Hey guys Jason Julius here, I want to write a post quick to talk about Foreplay which is something I get asked about a lot.
I get questions from guys about how to be good at Foreplay, and what all the tips and tricks are for getting a woman’s juices flowing. This is great because one of the biggest complaints I hear from women is that men don’t spend enough time with foreplay, and in a bit we’ll talk about why foreplay is so important for getting women to orgasm.
So before we get into all of that, first let’s define what exactly Foreplay is and let’s also clearly define what our outcome or goal is for Foreplay because in order to be good at anything you need a clear vision of what the best possible outcome is.
When you think of Foreplay you might imagine all the kissing, hugging, rubbing, licking, massaging, and other fun stuff that happens before sex begins, but there’s also a lot of things happening mentally as well.
My informal definition of Foreplay is “All the mental and physical fun stuff that happens before physical stimulation of the vagina or penis that increases sexual arousal.”
In order to reach Orgasm a woman must be able to get out of here mind and into the moment into a high state of arousal that I call Orgasmic State. This can be the most difficult part of getting her to orgasm, and is often times completely over looked as part of the equation of great sex. If our goal is to give her full body squirting orgasms then the best possible outcome of Foreplay, or all the stuff that leads up to sexual stimulation, is to get her to Orgasmic state so that she can easily reach orgasm once stimulation begins.
Said differently, our goal of Foreplay is to get her into the fantasy of the moment, get her very present, and get her highly aroused so that she’ll have an easier time letting go to reach orgasm, or have multiple orgasms.
What turns us men on is different from what turns women on. As men we are very visual creatures, we can see a woman’s breasts or butt and we instantly get aroused and we’re ready to stick it in.
Women need a little bit more time to become aroused because what turns a woman on is very different from what turns on a man. A woman is turned on more by what she feels and what she imagines. A woman is turned on by your actions, your behavior, your attitude, and your language. What turns a woman on is the context of the situation or the fantasy of being desired and taken by a man whom she deeply respects. When men attempt to forego foreplay and jump right into sex it leaves her little time to get aroused and into the mental state of arousal required in order to orgasm.
Now that doesn’t mean you have to always have lengthy foreplay every time before sex, in fact if you understand this you can maximize foreplay by getting here highly aroused as quickly as possible, so that less time for foreplay is actually necessary.
There’s a lot we can talk about when it comes to Foreplay, however for the purposes of this video I want to talk about 3 key things to include during Foreplay that will make the sexual experience absolutely incredible for any woman you’re with.
The first one is dominance.
Women are turned on by dominant men who take charge and lead in the bedroom. When you take the masculine dominate role and communicate that to her through your actions, she will go into her natural feminine submissive state.
Women desire to be submissive to a dominate male that they trust and respect.
When it comes to arousal things like dominance, and taking the lead in the bedroom can do for a woman what visually seeing a woman’s breasts, hips, or butt can do for a man.
Guys, all of us are born with the instinct to be dominant, yet cultural conditioning often times covers that up and turns men into habitual nice guys.
This leads to wussy behavior such as approval seeking, and continuously giving up power in order to please her. While guys typically adapt this supplicating behavior in order to hold on to or gain her affection, this behavior usually has the opposite effect and only serves to turn her off.
After a while she’ll leave him for a “bad boy” and he’s left wondering why she left him after he was so nice to her. He can’t see that it’s not that she likes a man who behaves or treats her badly rather she’s turned on by his attitude, the way he carries himself, and most importantly how he makes her feel.
Dominance is something that you convey with your behavior or attitude rather than a just a technique. It’s not about being physically strong rather it’s about taking charge and leading her in the bedroom with your actions.
Let me give you a quick example from my life…
The other night I was out with a woman I had met recently, we were getting along great, things were very physical right from the start so toward the end of the night we went back to my place for some wine.
When we got there I immediately took her by the hand and lead her to my room. I stood her in front of my bed and put both hands on her head and pulled her in for a hard kiss. I moved one of my hands to the back of her hair and pulled down slowly but firmly as I continued to kiss her. Suddenly I pulled her head away from mine and put my hands under her arm pits and literally picked her up and threw her on the bed. I think you can guess where things escalated to next, but I will tell you that I was able to give her her first vaginal orgasm, she had never even experienced this type of orgasm from her ex-husband who she had had a 5 year relationship with.
When I called her the next day she said “oh my god, I can’t stop thinking about last night. There’s one thing I can’t stop thinking about”
Now, naturally as a guy the first thing that comes to my mind is when I made her G-Spot swell up and push me out of her and she had her first vaginal orgasm. She didn’t squirt but I could tell she was ready but just holding back. But anyway naturally as a guy that’s the first thing that came to mind when she said there was one thing she couldn’t stop thinking about.
But when I asked her what it was that she couldn’t stop thinking about she said “I can’t stop thinking about how you kissed me and threw me on the bed. Once you did that it was over for me, it was all a blur after that.”
What I’m trying to point out her is just that little action of taking charge, unapologetically leading her to my bedroom and throwing her on the bed, got her massively turned on. This allowed me to give her an orgasm she had never experienced before, where as she may not have even gotten that far, or been able to fully let go mentally, had I given her the same boring experience she would get from most other guys. What stood out for her was not the simply the orgasm, but rather the emotions she felt when I threw her on the bed and through out the entire experience.
Now that’s just a simplified example, there’s a lot of things you can do in the bedroom to convey dominance, even dirty talk is a great way to move her emotionally with your language. Women love dirty talk because it builds up the fantasy in her mind. However the most important take away here is you need to take your dominate masculine role and lead her through an amazing experience, and this is especially important during foreplay, as it sets the frame for the entire sexual experience.
So dominance and leading in the bedroom is the first one, the second thing to include during foreplay is Anticipation.
As I said before women want men to take the time to include more foreplay, but along with that women often times complain that men get to eager and go right for her “sensitive spots” without letting her get warmed up first.
A boring predictable man sees her boob, and goes right for the nipple
A boring predictable man sees her vagina, and immediately starts oral sex or stimulating her clitoris
A boring predictable man goes inside her and immediately reaches for the g-spot every time.
We don’t want to be that boring predictable guy
In fact, let me be clear about something….Routine and Predictability are the killers of your sex life.
Women are turned on by men who are unpredictable. Making her anticipate your next move is almost as important if not more important than the move you make.
When I go down to perform oral sex on a woman I like to take my time and lick the entire area around her vulva including her inner thighs and slowly make my way to her vagina and I’ll get near her clitoris but won’t stimulate it until she’s practically begging for it. By the time I actually start stimulating her clitoris she will be so turned on by anticipating my touch that she’ll be ready to explode.
Same thing with stimulating her with your finger. Don’t go inside of her and try to jump right to the g-spot or a-spot. Take your time and softly rub the inner walls of her vagina. Let her become aroused from you just touching her and anticipating what you’re going to do next. If you’ve given her a vaginal orgasm in the past she’ll know what’s coming but take your time, be unpredictable, get her to the point where she’s begging for it before you give her what she wants.
Another way to build anticipation is to text message her and tell her all the naughty things you want to do to her body before you even see her. Start building up the fantasy using your words and language so that by the time you see her she’ll be practically begging for you to be inside of her.
I started a dirty text message conversation in the middle of the day with one particular woman and things escalated so much that she actually cancelled her last two clients, she does makeup and hair, and showed up at my place wearing nothing but a long coat with just bra and panties underneath. She was so turned on and ready for sex there was literally no foreplay.
This is what I mean when I say to understand that the goal of foreplay is to get her massively turned on, and we can maximize this so that very little foreplay is needed. Using text messages is a great way to build up the fantasy before you even see her so by the time you’re together she’s already so turned on and close to Orgasmic State that just the slightest touch can bring her to orgasm.
The third thing to include during Foreplay is Playfulness
Playfulness is as simple as it sounds. I’m talking about being light hearted and having fun. Playfulness is about building sexual context into any situation. Playfulness is about being a challenge and building up sexual tension in a way that creates lust that needs resolution.
Playfulness is the exchange of teasing or playful banter. Playfulness is what flirting is all about. It’s about building up sexual tension between you and your partner.
This is important because a relationship without sexual tension is just a friendship.
Whether we realize it or not we’re constantly projecting our own mental state onto others around us. Your mental state has an enormous effect on the state your woman will go into. If our goal is to get her out of our head and to be more present, then we need to get ourselves there as well. This means never taking things to serious, or thinking to much during sexual escalation. It means getting out of our logical thinking zone, which I know can be difficult sometimes, I’m a very logical thinker so sometimes I have to make a conscious effort to shift out of that state and become more present.
Studies have shown that during orgasm the thinking part in a woman’s brain quiets down and there is an absence of logical thought. Women often times have a hard time getting to this state because their minds will interrupt the natural process of letting go with constant chatter or logical thought.
Her mental state and ability to let go and stop all that chatter will be the biggest variable of whether or not the physical techniques you use will get her to orgasm or not.
By making the situation fun and emotionally exciting it will make it a lot easier for her to let go and get to a high state of arousal.
How you approach giving a woman an orgasm has an enormous impact on her ability to let go and actually have an orgasm.
Be playful, be a challenge, move her emotionally with action, not with logic, make the situation exciting and passionate and you’ll make a huge impact on her ability to let go and get to Orgasmic State and she’ll be able to experience incredible orgasms.
So thats 3 great things to include during foreplay to maximize our goal of giving women incredible orgasms.
As I mentioned at the beginning many women complain that men don’t spend enough time with foreplay, they just want to jump right into sex.
The reason women want more foreplays is because they typically need more time to get highly aroused and into Orgasmic State. Becoming more present and giving into the fantasy of the moment will allow her to orgasm.
Women might not necessarily articulate it that way but it’s why more foreplay helps women achieve an orgasm during intercourse.
Remember, if you make a conscious effort to include things like dominance, anticipation, and playfulness you’ll make foreplay, and the entire sexual experience, more enjoyable for any woman.